30

[gimmethemap]

Jim, I'd like to have that talk with you now, if you wouldn't mind. Now, we can do it here, but I'd rather you come to my cabin.

EDIT: [added about an hour later]

[Private to West]

Major, we should talk.

Comments

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

[Not more than a few minutes after she wrote that, Jim arrived at her room. He figured this would be just another meeting of how much he's a failure as a Warden, shouldn't've arrived on the Barge, blah blah. If it turned out like that, he'd leave. But he'd at least do the right thing by showing up. He knocked at the door.] Got a package for, uh, Captain Morgan? Need you to sign for. [Alright, lame as hell, and he knew it. But bringing wine never hurt things.]

[gimmethemap]

[She answered the door, looking humorless. He had the good sense to bring booze, which was a start, but she wasn't about to get drunk right now.] Inside, sir. [When he enters she shuts the door and bolts it. No unwanted visitors and he wasn't going to just storm out.] Have a seat. [She returned to her desk and flipped her journal open, the picture of calm.]

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

[All business. He could respect that. He set the bottle down on the first desk he passed, then sat down as instructed.] Thanks. [Then he waits.]

[gimmethemap]

Let's see... [She skimmed the comments quickly in West's entry, reading somewhat mechanically.] Look, West, what happened - I'm not sorry. You were willing. If I'd just wanted to attack you, I could've done that the moment you walked in. Also? I can't believe I'm protecting you from harm, but I am. You can at least be thankful a little bit. [She looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.]

You're going to start by telling me what you did to my Inmate.

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

[Right to West. Jim sighs and his lips tighten with annoyance, but he doesn't interrupt her reading.] Alright, no problem. [He folds his hands on his desk, glancing down at them. It is awkward to talk about.] Well, you know the flood changed everyone. West was some English poet, and I was a vampire. Personality-wise... [he paused] I don't want to say we switched, not entirely, but I certainly was more confident while he seemed more shy. I... invited him to my room. [He looks at her meaningfully] One thing lead to another...

[He straightens, and speaks quickly in his defense, knowing how bad the situation is] But look, I meant what I said. That if I had just wanted to feed from him [he cringes; the idea of drinking blood is beyond gross now]... I could've done that the moment he entered the room. I had the strength, I could've overpowered him. But, I didn't. I wanted him to... enjoy himself... to, be free of his repressions. [He sighs again, and runs his fingers through his hair anxiously] Yeah, I know how cheesy that sounds.

[gimmethemap]

[turns page, not looking at him.] So you're implying then that if a person rapes another person, so long as they're trying to please them, it's acceptable. [Her voice is completely deadpan, without feeling.]

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

No, I'm not saying that at all... [He sits back in the chair. Already he feels like he's wasting his words] Right, I was wrong. I know that. Okay? I won't even try saying the flood is at fault because it isn't. Nor can I really apologize because neither you nor West will listen. But believe me when I say I'm more than making up for it, alright? So, really, if all you're going to tell me is how much West hates me, then this meeting will go nowhere.

[gimmethemap]

You were wrong, but you're not sorry. [flips the page back, skimming.] I'm willing to listen, Jim, but I just wonder if you listen to yourself, sometimes. [She looks up at him finally.] I just want to know where you feel you get off, Jim. Where do you find the strength to feel righteous for condemning a man for what he almost permitted his men do to, when you've turned around and done it yourself? How dare you?

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

I never said I wasn't sorry, only that I couldn't apologize... [Which sounds feeble even to him. She was giving him The Mommy Look and he wilted a little under that] What do you want me to say here, Morgan? Really. You want me to leave him alone? Sure, can do. Brush things under the rug. Fine.

[gimmethemap]

[She slams her hand on the book.] Your. Own. Fucking. Words. [Reading again.] "I'm not sorry. You were willing."

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

Honestly, would it really make a difference if I was sorry? Answer me that. You see me and West having a drink together any time soon? Because I sure as hell don't. No matter what I do, it's wrong to both of you.

[gimmethemap]

So what? It's not worth being sorry if it won't make him forget what you've done and be best friends with you?

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

Now you're twisting my words. I meant that it's not worth being sorry if it won't one sodding bit of difference to anything. [He pinched the bridge of his nose.] Do I regret that I hurt him? Yeah, I do. If you told him that, right now, he wouldn't hear you. He can't see past his hatred.

[gimmethemap]

It's not my business to tell him how you feel. [She crosses her arms.] My point is that you need to know and understand that your position means you don't get to walk away and pretend like nothing ever happened. Even if you never speak to him again, you had best leave this situation understanding that you've done wrong, and you've done the sort of wrong that if you died right now and somehow came back you likely wouldn't be a Warden anymore.

[She closes her journal.] So watch your step, especially when you've got your own Inmate looking to you for examples. [She passes him and opens the door.] And finally? Don't insult the dead here, Jim, especially not the ones that died by your hands. More people hear you than you think.

[notinfected.livejournal.com]

No, it's not. I don't mean to imply you're a messenger between us. I'm sorry about that. I just know I won't see him any time soon. [The rest was self-explanatory. Anything he said might construe a protest, even if it wasn't, so he didn't speak. His mind was blank anyway.] Fine, alright. I understand.

[He stood and prepared to go, pausing just outside the door] Oh, just one more thing. Could you possibly let West and Billy know that I've made a deal with the devil for them? Like any apology of mine, it won't make a bit of difference, but hey, who knows.

[gimmethemap]

[She's not certain she understands what he means by that, but after a moment considering, she nods to him.] Fine. Take care of yourself, Jim.